So, as you may have been reading this blog from the start, it is a downer. It wasn’t really meant to be of course. Now, fresh from some therapeutic EMDR sessions and a new job that I am totally excited about, I come writing from a different perspective. I was angry, so intensely angry at what we were forced to go through during COVID in my ICU that I wanted to take people there, right up to the horrific visuals that were haunting me in my nightmares. The blood overflowing off the mattress of an exsanguinating patient that we had cared for for weeks, the clots of bloody tissue that was getting stuck in people’s ETTs and the iPads that we held up to a comatose person’s face while their family said good bye to them. I was so angry at the people who felt that they were affected by COVID stress when they didn’t even have to leave their home. I especially had someone quite close to me who lives in a very large beautiful home who would tell me she “understood” and “was having panic attacks about COVID”, all while she didn’t work. She would then post her political feelings on masks, vaccines and kids in school. She had and has every right to her feelings but I just felt unheard and was getting so angry.

I loved being an ICU nurse. It wasn’t sunshine and unicorns but it was a job where I felt I was making a difference and saving lives where I could and bringing comfort when there wasn’t a chance to save. I was put in a position where it was a legitimate nightmare and I had to walk away. There is a new chapter here however. I have worked on healing my psyche, my soul and even my body. That anger is not there seething anymore. I’ve become a nursing instructor and I feel it is where I am supposed to be. I teach students that are already LPN’s and in nursing so I don’t feel that I’m taking innocents off the street and sticking them in this awful healthcare system (more on that later) that we have right now. I can take my years of experience and help strengthen the incoming RNs so we may have a group of change makers. I also want to help this new, younger wave of nurses be the best they can since the hospitals are turning their backs on properly training incoming employees.

This blog is really going to be about Nursing. What it was like throughout my entire career, places I goofed up, times I really learned about people and hopefully some poignant times that have always had a place in my heart. Luckily in this field there is a lot of funny stories too. So, hopefully if you continue to read in the future, you won’t be wondering if someone stole my password and decided to stop being morose and angry. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Peace.